Playing it Safe
by BackstageSpotlight31
Summary: Bruce goes for a walk alone in Central Park to get his mind off of his past. But seeing all the happy families makes him feel even worse. "No, the Hulk is an Avenger. People love the Hulk. I'm just the guy who sits back at base and looks at computer monitors where it's safe. I'm a coward." Drabble.


Today was a good day for a walk. It had rained the night before, but today was sunny and just breezy enough to enjoy the spring weather. He put on his baseball cap and hoodie before heading outside.

The walk from Stark Tower to Central Park was a long one, so Bruce decided to take a cab about halfway through. No one noticed him as a hero or an Avenger; not a single person. Part of him hated that fact, the other part was grateful. He preferred when people stayed out of his business.

He looked out the window in the cab, lifting his cap a little so that he could look up at the sun. None of the other Avengers knew he had taken this trip by himself, but he did leave a message for Jarvis just in case they ended up getting a search party to find him.

But he could handle himself. He really didn't need saving.

He paid the taxi driver and exited the car, walking onto the damp grass of Central Park. He placed his hands in his jean pockets and looked up at the trees, seeing them blow gently in the breeze. It was peaceful. He could just imagine the birds chirping. But none we really around right now. It was only just starting to be warm outside.

Bruce took off his baseball cap and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. There were other people in the park - couples, families, children, elderly couples. Everyone seemed to have someone else.

Everyone except him.

He saw a man sitting on a blanket with his daughter who was probably no more than 2 years old. The little girl was crying, but the father comforted her. He didn't see the mother with them. It was just the girl and her father. He frowned, wondering what happened to her. Did she die? Did she leave them? Either one of those was too painful to think about. He didn't even know these people and yet he sympathized with them.

Bruce placed his cap back on his head and walked to a nearby bench to sit down and soak in the sun that was peeping through the clouds. He tried not to stare at the man and his daughter, but he couldn't help it.

His mind raced as he thought about his college days, and how he always imagined he and Betty would marry one day and raise a family of scientists. Well, maybe not all scientists, but Bruce knew that if he ever had a son, he wouldn't be very good at playing ball with the child. He was made fun of at school for being the quiet non-athletic type.

He remembered coming home and crying to his mother, then locking himself away in his room whenever his father would beat her. He would call Bruce names, and call him weak, and raise a hand to him. But mom was always there to the rescue. She took the beating instead.

She'd still be alive if he were strong enough.

He looked down at his lap and pulled his hat further down on his head. He didn't want anyone to look at him right now. He wanted tears to come, but they just couldn't. He had cried for years. It was as though he were dry. Why was it that when he _wanted_ to cry, he just couldn't?

"You lost?" A familiar voice said next to him.

Bruce peeped up through the brim of his baseball cap. "What are you doing here?"

Tony sat down next to him. "I wanted to ask you the same thing."

Bruce shook his head. "No. I don't need to tell you everything in my life."

"Come on, you barely tell me _anything_. What are you talking about? Unless there's some other Tony that you've been talking to, because it sure as hell isn't me." Tony chuckled a little and rubbed Bruce's back. "What's wrong, buddy?"

Bruce took a moment to breathe and he pursed his thick lips, turning to the other brunette. "I... I never had a chance to have a family."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "_That's_ what you're upset about?"

Bruce looked away. "I knew you'd make fun of me..."

"No, no," Tony reassured him, "I just thought you were pissed off at something I did. Or, I dunno, I just wasn't expecting this."

Bruce looked at the grass that was swaying lightly in the breeze.

"What made you think about it? The families here?" Tony asked, honestly curious now.

Bruce folded his hands and nodded. "Yeah. But I was thinking about it a little before I came out here too. I guess it was a bad idea, considering it made it worse."

Tony furrowed his brow. "How often do you think about it?"

"All the time. When I'm alone. When I'm with people. Even when I'm happy and having a good time, it occurs to me. It's just always there. Always in the back of my mind."

"...Why?"

Bruce didn't know the answer to that. He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. He never really thought of the reasons.

He shrugged, "Because... I blame myself and the pride I once had in my work. I was remaking the super soldier serum... and I wanted to be my own guinea pig..."

Tony never heard this part of the story before. He didn't know that Bruce had offered to try it on himself. "But didn't you do that so that no one else would get hurt?"

Bruce shrugged. "Part of me thought that, yes. I wanted to be responsible for my own actions in case things went wrong. But at the same time, I didn't want anyone else to receive what I was working on. It was like a part of me, you know? Like... how your suits are a part of you. We put ourselves into what we make, and it's sometimes hard to let go."

Tony nodded. "So you're saying that your pride stopped you from getting the family you always wanted?"

"Yes. It was the one thing I was proud of. Ever since I was a child, I hid myself in books and libraries. I hid myself in my work so that I didn't have to go out and face the real world. I didn't want to fail at something. I wanted to do something I knew I could succeed in. And so I did. And it ended up being my downfall..." He hung his head and put his hands to his face, ashamed.

Tony rubbed Bruce's back gently. "Come on, stop crying. It'll be okay. People make mistakes, so what? And besides, you can always adopt."

"That isn't the same." Bruce mumbled rather harshly.

"It's not?" Tony tilted his head. "Maybe I should go find Loki somewhere and tell him that. I don't think he'd appreciate it very mu-"

"Don't make jokes at a time like this, Stark," Bruce turned to him, his face red.

There was a pause and Tony lowered his head. "You're right, I'm sorry, that was stupid of me."

Bruce looked out into the distance and sighed. "It's ok. I need to step up and accept the fact that I messed everything up for myself."

"You didn't mess up," Tony said with a smile, "You're an Avenger. You save the world! People love you!"

"No, the _Hulk_ is an Avenger. People love the _Hulk_. I'm just the guy who sits back at base and looks at computer monitors where it's safe. I'm a coward."

Tony shrugged, "If you say so. But as I recall, you were the one who came back all on your own to help me and the gang. You could have ran off for good. We could have taken you as a dead man. But you didn't. I think that's pretty... cowardless... don't you think?"

Bruce chuckled, "I suppose so."

Tony smiled and stood up. "Do you wanna go get some ice cream? That always helps people of their moody days. At least, I've heard."

Bruce laughed. "Yes, I'd love some."


End file.
